Did you miss me? You know you did, you know my random, nonsense is your newest guilty pleasure. Who needs the real housewives when you can check in with the craziness that is Prissy's life! I am the Real House wife of Shenzhen!
So we are near the end of Lunar New Year's Festivities. THANK GOD, it's insane. Fireworks every night, the city lite up in red lanterns like some cheap hooker, and just the normal chaos that exists when people get time off. More drinking, more carousing, more ugliness. I don't think I could take this holiday every year! Beam me up Scottie, cuz these peeps are CRAZY when it's allowed.
We escaped into Dubai for some of it. Ladies, it is retail paradise. Every store, every item, every thing you could ever buy or dream of is right there in a pristine store window. We shopped and shopped and shopped until even I could not shop anymore. Everything is in a mall. The Dubai mall has the indoor ski area and a bowling alley. The Emirates Mall has the largest building in the world. Stores so big, Armani has a cafe inside so you can rest, because in that store alone there is too much. It is commerce heaven. I think I may have left some fingernail marks on the plane.
And speaking of plane. We flew Emirates Airlines, the Boeing 800 Airbus. That's right ladies, if you saw Sex and the City 2, it's the exact same 2 story plane they flew to Abu Dhabi, with the private rooms and everything. The largest plane in the air to date. In fact no movie was more spot on and accurate about the United Arab Emirates than that movie. It was EXACTLY as in the movie.
But enough about that, even thinking back on it exhausts me. Just wanted to fill you in as promised.
Meanwhile back in the People's Republic of China, things are running smooth. Making friends, little one back to school, big one back to bitching about work. All returned to it's normal sphere.
Which leads me back to the oddities and errs that is expat life.......
So yesterday morning I decide to make the not too often necessary trek to Wal-Mart. I hate this place, but sometimes it is the only place for those random but totally necessary items, like umbrellas, child safety locks *to keep someone out of the fridge*, etc. So I take a private car there, no problem, best way to travel, but am forced to take a taxi back.
Taxis here are not your best method. The cars are old and usually smell like 20 years of chain smoking, the drivers are rude and act like they are doing you a favor by offering to take you somewhere, and they are more expensive than the private cars. But standing outside Wally World laden down with bags, in a cold drizzle, I had no choice, so I hailed one of these offensive asses on wheels. Stuck in traffic, cuz hey every time you go anywhere you begin or end stuck in traffic and suddenly this HORRIFIC smell smacks me in the face. You guessed it, not only was my cab driver an asshole, he had the POOTS!!!! I don't think there is any worse gas than Chinese, local cuisine Gas. And I know that that's what it was, because anyone who eats here has caused this smell themselves at one time or another. There is no smell quite like it! I couldn't breathe. I couldn't vomit. I couldn't escape. He sits there acting like nothing happened while this green cloud fills up the entire car. Why in this country do I always seem to be gasping for air from one thing or another. Seriously folks, I need air! What was I supposed to do? If I rolled down the window and stuck my head out like Benji on holiday he would know why! These are the times when I need to be fluent in Mandarin, so I could have been helpful, you know, lean across the front seat, put my hand supportive like on his shoulder and say hey, if you need to eat yesterdays Dim Sum to say a few Yuan, I totally understand, but I don't think the discovery of a dead, American lady is going to look good on your next job performance review, so crack a window before I get Jackie Chan on your ass!
And lastly, my Where is the common sense in this moment highlight of the week......
I have been in and around the Oil and Gas industry all of my adult life. There is no industry quite like it. ISO numbers, Accident free work days, and Safety First mantras are their number one concern (for the public anyway.) Meetings are held, bonuses given, parties thrown all in the hopes of making safety their number one priority. Not so much here.
Yesterday afternoon, while, you guessed it, stuck in traffic, I look over to a CNOC gas station. CNOC being China National Oil Company. Now we are all familiar with gas stations. At the pumps there is an Emergency Shut Off Button, A fire Extinguisher, a 1-800 number to call in case of emergency. All to ensure safety of those at the pumps. Guess what they had at this station for emergencies. I kid you NOT, 2 shovels and a pile of sand in the corner of the lot. Yes indeed folks, if you start a gas fire, you better get your butt to shoveling!
That's should be enough to satisfy you closet Blog addicts. So I will end with a piece of sage advice my brother-in-law gave me one year....I can't help you unless your dead!
Til next week my loves!
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